The Gift In Each Day
Every day holds a gift, a lesson or an opportunity to show oneself, some compassion. Compassion for the reality of life’s experiences (seasons). Accepting what is, how people are and then giving myself compassion for the feelings that come up from the experience. Rather than abandoning and rejecting myself. Acceptance and compassion do add up to loving myself. Bringing the shadow into the light so it can be loved not abandoned.
It just came to me today that we are not born rejecting ourselves. We hold the trauma or shame that was created from being abandoned by those entrusted with teaching us what love means. It’s not about blame or making someone wrong or a villain. It’s about reality what really happened and the impact of that scar down to this day. Becoming a mom has given me a higher vantage point and perspective to what love is, how it really looks.
Writing is a therapeutic outlet for pain. it’s a place to release so that it does not stay in the body and mind poisoning the one holding it. The worst rejection is from ourselves. it cuts so deep. being rejected by others hurts too but if you remember your value where it comes from and who’s approval matters most then you can find your way to living your authentic truth.
So there are so many things, events and seasons have taught me. One of them is the need for patience, especially with myself. I am learning perseverance, the art of not giving up. Consistency is ultimately the key. If I keep swimming I will get there. I get so distracted and off track by looking at the sidelines. Looking at things I can’t control. Other’s opinions, my deep insecurities. What is ironic is all the influx of these uncomfortable emotions are great fuel for writing. They help the very purpose of my blog. To express myself. To see the opportunity to show me some compassion. I am one who loves to give the gift of compassion to others, but like Jack Kornfield, says “if compassion does not include yourself it is incomplete.” So I am going to give myself compassion right now for the fear and insecurities that this process is bringing up.
A supportive fellow blogger is releasing a memoir soon and I told her that I am happy for her and that there is one person out there waiting for her to put her story out. Then she told me that same thing. I am so thankful for her saying that because it is reminding me of the purpose of this blog. Not only to share my journey and struggle to love myself, but for someone to see this and know they aren’t alone and that they can give themselves compassion and love too. They can validate their experience and feelings that come from their unique journey and it is unique.
In life unfortunately, we have many experiences where our experiences or feelings are invalidated or minimized. Sadly it is by those we hold very dear. We long to have them understand what it is like, but unless that person went through the same thing and with the same emotional makeup they are not going to get it. That is not to say though, that there aren't those of us out there who are gifted with enough empathy and compassion to not have to go through the exact same thing to give others the validation for their experience. What a gift each day provides to give ourselves the validation and compassion for our unique struggles.
I was thinking of nature today and how much variety there is. Even a sunset for example. Yes there are similar colors in a sunset of orange, pink, and yellow but the amazing blend of colors is different each time. You never get tired of it. You don’t say “I saw one sunset and so I am good for the rest of my life.” I am learning through nature to embrace all that variety can offer. One of my fears with starting this blog was that there are others already online blogging about self-love so what do I really have to offer? I keep being reminded either by supportive friends and family or things I read, that it’s about my voice, my own unique story that makes it valuable. This quote from Dave Grohl gives me motivation also. “No one else is like you and that is your power.” So there is no need to fear talking about something that is already being spoken about. Someone out there is waiting to hear my story.
So when I think about how there are so many moms out there who have been pregnant and gave birth, but each moms story is unique to her. We can connect to the similarities but in the unique differences we can build appreciation and inspiration. I remember before I had my son, I had a lot of mom friends and I was able to admire their love for their children, their sacrifice, and their strength. Although I did not have a child yet I could still learn from the qualities they displayed and use that in my own life. Now that I am a mom, boy, do I see things more clearly and my appreciation has reached another level for motherhood.
One of the reasons I called my blog CompassionatelyMe is so that I could reach not just a mom, or a woman but any one out there who is in need of compassion. Their story may not be the same but the feelings can be. I want them to see the need in their life as I have to show the same love they show to others to themselves. The art of self-love through self-acceptance and self-compassion is universal, no matter gender or circumstance. So whatever season you may find yourself in life, be patient with yourself and see the lesson of unfailing love that comes with each season.
Compassionately,ME
