The Process of Healing.

My body keeps score. The score of pain that has been stored and not released. My body speaks through what I call the "Invisibles" Fibromyalgia, panic attacks, depression, psychogenic seizures.  You can't see emotional pain in the pit of my stomach, deep in my heart, back ache, tummy ache, tense shoulders, hip ache, feet pain. Pain in the middle of my spine that is so heavy, it feels like someone is stepping on my back. The muscle fibers in my neck feeling like the inflexible cables used to hold something heavy that is suspended in the air. 

Most physical pain is representation of a deeper pain within from disappointment, resentment, fear, anger, rejection. Then when in deep agony and I cry it feels like I am being suffocated by the pain. I try to swallow or breathe and it feels like something is stopping me. I did not realize how much stuck emotion the body held, until I started receiving chiropractic care. I was looking for relief of pain.  I found out how much the nervous system impacts daily functioning. My body was telling me that it had a lot to release.

 I remember after my first few sessions not only did I feel physical discomfort but I was feeling deep emotions I hadn’t felt in a long time. Thanks to the internet I was able to find information on "healing crisis" which explained why I felt worse rather than better right away. I read that I am so wonderfully made that my body knows when it is healing to go to the oldest trauma and start from there. I have such an amazing chiropractor. He does more than adjust my spine. He reminded me to have faith in the body’s ability to heal. I remember him giving me an example to understand that my body was not my enemy. He said, when you get food poisoning your body reacts strongly to that poison and does many things, either eliminating from the top, bottom or both, to rid the body of the toxin.

While it does not feel good, as it is ridding the body of the toxin, it is doing it’s job. So, even though I may not feel good, it means the body is functioning as it should to keep me healthy. This helped me to embrace the pain, discomfort and build confidence in my body to know how to heal itself. 

At times we pack one trauma onto another and it gets backlogged. The process of healing takes way more time than you expect and builds character of patience and trust. Allowing things to go at the pace they will go. To trust that there is alot of protecting going on. When we go through trauma, we don't realize how much we go through until the dust settles. I take for granted all my body does to keep me going. I want to show it appreciation and not beat it up for doing it's job. In time of crisis it does what it needs to. What I realize though is that it can't be in a constant state of crisis, I must reduce the pressure and burden on it and give it the ability to recover.

For all those dealing with Chronic Illness how are you healing? Please feel free to comment on how chronic illness has affected you or someone you love.