What to Expect When You Stop Dyeing Your Hair | Gray Hair Transition Tips |

QUARANTINE GOT YOU GRAY?

I did a google search for going gray during quarantine and found the query “going gray during the pandemic.” I was so happy to read stories of women embracing their silver crown.

Welcome Silver Sister I’m Nina your compassionate cheerleader 😉

This pandemic has definitely caused trauma in MANY ways but it’s also great to see that it also has been a time of amazing growth and transformation for many. 

This month makes three years since I stopped dyeing my hair. When I started my gray hair journey I did not think I would share my journey online. Since doing so, I have heard from so many of you on my social media pages that you have been inspired to embrace your gray hair.

Why I’m Writing This Article

Do you want a heads up on what to expect when you decide to stop coloring your hair? Then this article is for you. There is much out there on the internet about how to COVER or HIDE your gray or practical tips on how to transition to gray. There is not enough about the emotional side of this gray hair journey. 

It is more than just about hair.

I wanted to open up a dialogue about the difficult emotions that come up during our gray hair journey and create a compassionate space to give you permission to feel human emotions and have the emotional support to go through it!

Which one are you?

A .On the fence about going gray?

B. Just starting your gray hair journey?

C. Are you a couple of months in?

D. Have you fully transitioned and still have some emotional side effects of your decision?

Disclaimer: If you are perfectly content dying your roots and not letting your gray hair grow out  I RESPECT your CHOICE. 

For those mentioned above, I hope by the end of reading this article, you know that you’re not alone and know you will be supported when and if you decide to embrace your roots. 

You can come back here anytime you need that reminder! Please share this with someone who would find this helpful. Sharing is caring!

In this article you will learn:

a. The realities of going gray.

b. Websites for gray hair inspiration.

c. Resources for support

Realities of going gray.

1. Feeling FEAR

There is much encouragement to be fearless. 

I am going to be transparent and speak for myself that I feel fear ALL the time. Here is your permission slip in case you needed one. I sure did. You are allowed to be afraid! Fear is a human emotion. It is normal to feel afraid of change and the unknown.

I feel there is time wasted on trying to eliminate feeling fear rather than reframing it. The way out is THROUGH. 

Courage is a better goal. Courage is not the absence of fear, it is being able to push past the fear and do it anyway. Lisa Nichols says “leap afraid.”

You will feel fear right before you decide and while you're committing to your decision to go gray. 

I will “look” OLD

The #1 fear we women can have, especially before even making the decision to go gray, is the fear of looking old. It definitely was a fear for me. Those who prematurely gray as well as those who are “expected” to gray at a certain age, all share this fear of “looking” old. 

When your roots first come in it can be a shock! It is a big change from what we were used to seeing for many years. 

There are those who have never colored their hair or felt fear about looking old. For them, they may think “What is the big deal? It’s only hair! For some, it is hard to accept and for those of you, I am here to empathize with your struggle. We have to allow for an adjustment period because of this change.

Gray hair also does represent that we are getting older, especially for those who don’t prematurely gray. Society does not make it easy to embrace aging. There is more positive light on looking young. I know there are things we don’t look forward to when it comes to aging, like the aches, pains, and illnesses that can come. Aging is also a normal process we ALL go through. No one can escape it.

A quote by Richard Gere puts aging in perspective that I love is “Aging is a privilege denied to many.”

2. Worrying about what others think.

I find especially for myself that it is easy to shame oneself for something that is human. Do I like to feel fear? NO, but does add shame on top of it help. Absolutely Not!

3. There will be unkind and unsolicited comments.

Children will be brutally honest. I was picking up my son from preschool and one of his classmates asked: “are you his grandmother?” OUCH. To be honest, although it did sting. I laughed at how innocent the remark was from this little boy.

As I mentioned, we associate gray hair with old age, and many dye their hair so children and most adults think grandma when they see gray hair. We won’t get into the reality that for men gray hair is “distinguished” or more accepted. 😏 It is what it is.

Whether unintentional like my experience or intentional those comments can hurt and I think it is human to be affected by what others say or do. It does not have to crush our self-worth but I think feeling hurt or sensitive is a normal reaction. Especially if our self-esteem is low and we rely on what others think to define us. I am guilty of that. 

This hair journey definitely triggered some deep personal work I needed to not define myself on others’ opinions. While I acknowledge my sensitivity to unkind comments I have used to practice self-compassion. 

Also, there are times that a choice we make that is right for us can trigger someone else. Some limiting beliefs that they have about gray hair and aging and when they see you it causes them to voice their unsolicited comments.

Some Comebacks to Negative Comments

Most often then not, silence is one of my favorite answers to a unkind remark but here are some that you can try if you feel so inclined.

“That sounds like a personal problem!” My little sister gifted me this comeback. We were in conversation about something and she said someone gave their negative opinion and she told them “that sounds like a personal problem.”

Someone told me their co-worker said they must be broke and that’s why they haven’t colored their hair. 

“Sounds like a personal problem!”

People say your too young to have gray. (I will be doing an article on why we gray soon)

I was told this many times. Someone told me that we are so accustomed to dying our hair that many don’t even know when they first had their gray. They don’t see that may around them gray at a young age but it happens as many women have told me they started graying in their teens! Because many speak in ignorance ( I used to be one of them)  I use this to educate people on the fact that premature graying is a thing. Genetics also play a role. I remember grays coming in my late 20s. My father was the same.

Some other realities.

People may stare tell them to take a picture it lasts longer lol.

You let yourself go-that sounds like a personal problem.

4. Impatience

It will take longer than you think, especially in the beginning. Whether you do a buzz cut or grow out your hair, it will take time for hair to grow. 

5. You may have doubt or regret.

Not everyone feels this but for those that do, know you're not alone. You may feel doubt when those first weeks of roots come in the past when you would normally touch up. I did. You may feel an itch to color especially cause it feels very uncomfortable. You can feel insecure during this time. You can feel vulnerable exposing your roots. You can also feel regret once all of your colored ends are gone and you really see all the gray or white. 

6. Comparison Bug

You may compare your hair to other women. You may wish your gray comes in just like theirs. That happened to me. I wanted my gray to come in subtlely. For me, that would have been salt and pepper streaks. The way my genetics is set up. My hairline was WHITE. I HATED it until it finally grew in and now I love it so much. 

Give it some time and your perspective may change, or you may still want your hair like your hair crush. The reality all of our gray hair grows in uniquely. I think it is like a snowflake or fingerprint and adds to the variety of beauty in the shades of gray. 

7. Your hair can go yellow.

Honestly of all the realities, I mentioned this is the hardest sometimes. Especially since I am fully transitioned from my colored ends. I try to see them as my blond highlights 😏 I will be doing an article on some hair products that can help combat yellowing soon. 

8. Defensiveness

You may feel you have to defend your choice to go gray. I am here to give you another permission slip. You are allowed to do what feels right for you even if others don’t agree. Surprisingly, you don’t know who you might convert to embracing their gray by you standing by your choice. I have heard that experience from a silver sister. She said slowly she saw her co-workers growing out their gray. 

If you have made it this far I hope that you don’t feel discouraged. I think whenever you embark on something new and unknown it helps to know what to expect. But, stay tuned in the next article I will talk about how to deal with these realities in a way that can help you still enjoy the journey. Below are some websites and resources to help you along the way.

Butterflies perfectly represent the transformation of the gray hair journey.

If you don’t know this about me, I LOVE Butterflies. Besides the fact that they are GORGEOUSLY BEAUTIFUL, they represent transformation so accurately. The caterpillar may not seem cute or desirable but it grows with struggle and effort into an amazing butterfly. So may you embrace what comes with this journey and grow into the beautiful butterfly you are. 

Websites for Gray Hair Inspiration are Grombre, Embrace the Grey Katie Goes Platinum and SparklingSilvers: these sites feature stories of beautiful women in different stages of transition. You will find them inspirational especially if you are on the fence and not sure. 

Resources for Support

Please feel free to email me at nina@naturallygraysful.com  and ask me any questions, share concerns, or let me know what future content I can make to help you along your way to gray. Even if you haven’t made the step to go gray I am still here to give support. There were many women who told me they weren’t ready yet but we kept in touch and before you know it they were telling me they did the big chop or were making the step to stop dying their hair. I can’t wait to hear from you.

Also, If you aren’t already please follow me on Instagram, send me a direct message, and let you know you came from the blog. There is a popular hashtag on Instagram named #silversisters. There you will find many women of different races, ages, and backgrounds who are sharing their journey. You will see their good days and bad days and you will be reminded you aren’t alone in this graysful journey. Looking forward to seeing you there.